I am naturally a stressed out person. I stress out about everything, from the outfit I’m going to wear tomorrow, to actually serious things. Lately I’ve had a different kind of stress. It’s more like a panic.
Just the thought of it makes me cringe. I cannot find the motivation to push myself to like it or be interested in it. They say, “oh school is different as you get older because you get to pick your classes”. Well yes and no. I got to pick my classes in high school but that doesn’t mean I don’t have to do common core classes. It’s the same in college, you are required to take certain classes to graduate. I’m not exactly the type of person who thinks about the college I want to go to and get really pumped.
But Hannah, you’ll have so much fun in college, it’ll be a new experience!
I don’t doubt that it wouldn’t have fun. That’s not the issue here. It’s not something that interests me. College and high school are the same except you have to fend for yourself in one and the other you’re more sheltered. This is how I see it, I have been fending for myself since I was nine years old. I don’t honestly think that college is going to be an eye opening difference for me. I’m not going to some big fancy college either. I would probably go to a state college or a community one. Just thinking about it gets me stressed out.
If not college, then what?
That’s a great question. I am the only teenager, or at least 17 year old girl, who wants to live in a van and go backpacking in every national park in the U.S. That I know. Yeah, I couldn’t make money doing this unless I was super creative in a way to support myself. So although it’s one of my biggest dreams it’s rather unachievable for several reasons: 1) as much as I’d like to say it is, it’s not safe to travel alone. 2) I have no automotive knowledge to help me out when my said van breaks down. 3) There would be no source of income. Well okay so if living in a van is unachievable, I might as well go to college. Wrong. I am a firm believer in following your dreams, as cheesy as it may sound. If I can’t do that I want to via the van life then I want to travel, someway, somehow. There are programs such as WOOF that let you travel the world and work on organic farms, you only have to pay for transportation to said place. Again the problem with this is that there is no source of income. Okay what next? To be completely honest, that’s as far as I got. I think it’s the fact that I’ve heard the same line over and over again “You just have to do it for a few more years, keep going.” Well now it’s going to be my legal choice wheather I want to go to college or not and further my education. It doesn’t help that I don’t believe in standardized tests and I willl not, for the life of me, get stuck in a 9-5 job that I hate. There is no point in spending the majority of your life unhappy just to pay the bills. I rather be poor and truly happy than rich and bored with life. Money is only a tool we use to achieve our dreams, hence I have none. I refuse to live a mundane life as a saburban housewife. Some may argue that the way to avoid this is to get an education, I both agree and disagree with this statement.
How I paln to live
I agree that education can further carry you in life. I find that schooling and education are two completely different things. Mark Twain once said “don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” This has been an itch in my brain since the fourth grade. I always thought they were the same thing until I really began to enjoy learning.
I recently discovered that the man who invented the SAT’s never ment for it to be an actual test. People are unique yet we are all critiqued under one general platform. I refuse to live by a number that is supposed to define my intelligence and an administration that uses the same system to grade meat as to grade kids. Many will disagree with me on this but I believe that unless something sticks, you’re not really learning. There are so few teachers who have actual engaging classes and I find it sad. We are all just taking classes to get a grade, to get into college, to get a job that pays well. I don’t want to live according to that plan. I rather be happy than force myself back into something I won’t utilize because it hinders my creativity as well as my spirit. And yes, all of my friends think I’m a complete hippy.