Hopes

Disclaimer: lots of typos and grammar issues, writing on a mobile device late at night. Sorry.

I do not get my hopes up. In fact I believe I have mastered the art of never getting my hopes up. Let me explain in more detail. 

First of all I don’t like the word hope for two reasons: one, in the hunger games, President Snow (the main antagonist for those who haven’t read it) used hope as a manipulative weapon. Two, I knew a girl named hope who had a twin sister Faith (irrelevant) and she was mean. I can’t disassociate her name with the word. 

All my life I have been told “don’t get your hopes up”. This has been in major and minor situations but it’s made me learn a valuable lesson. For those who have read The Four Agreements you know that you can’t have expectations. Let me explain. Let’s say I were to expect to get a Porsche for Christmas, I would be disappointed Christmas Day and it would just be bad for everyone. That being said, I try to live without expectations. I do this for two reasons. First, people are not always predictable as I hope. Second, I’m not very trusting. You can tell me you will show up to my party but until I see you physically there, I don’t beileive you. 

This ties into hope because I don’t hope for anything anymore. The countless times I’ve heard “don’t get your hopes up” took a toll. This is still confusing, I know. Let me give a more realistic exacmple. I’m going to Baja in a few short days and I’m not excited because I won’t let myself be. So much can happen in the next two days that could stop this trip so I can’t even enjoy the excitement of my trip. I will be excited when I am on the plane and in the air. I can’t be on the ground because the plane could break down and break my heart. 

When I was younger, aka 3 years ago, I would run fake scenarios in my head of things I wish would happen then form elaborate plans to try to trigger my thoughts into actions. It never worked. It had a 100% fail rate. Let’s say I liked the guy next to me in math class in seventh grade. I would strategically drop my pencil when there was nothing going on right by them so they would pick it up and hand it to me. So I dropped the pencil and they just sat there. They didn’t even notice and I went through half of math class without writing utensil (yes, I only had one pencil).

That’s not to say that I haven’t been pleasantly surprised. In fact last Christmas my friends got me a gift that I really liked. Kind of a miracle to get something I actually like. I’ve decided that I will let life do its thing and not have expectations. I can only go so far with this though. 

There are somethings I have to have expectations about like college. A very popular topic on this blog. Because I can’t stop myself from having an expectation, I have an extremely low expectation for it. Hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised but I highly doubt it. See, low expectations lead to low disappointment rates.

That’s my thoughts on hopes, I take a unique view on hope because I am a unique person but also because of circumstancal situations that have led me to this theory. I have no doubt that someone who has received an easy route through life is a more hopeful person. I think I just figured out why I’m so pessimistic… The more you know.  Oh look, a shattered mirror that resembles my shattered hopes:)

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