If I could write a letter to my freshmen self this is how it would go:
This is going to be crazy in ways you don’t even understand yet. You’re life isn’t going to be normal or the same, however you define that now. I don’t want to depress you but it’s going to be rough. You’re going to have some amazing moments. Cherish them.
Let’s start with boys, you feel like they don’t even know you exist. It’s okay, they aren’t worth all the hype. You don’t need to try and prove something to them by changing everything about yourself. Don’t base your self esteem on them either. When you get older you will think you’re in love and even cry over these boys. It’s really hard to figure out the ones that are worth those tears but you’ll figure it out. Don’t rush into things that everyone else is doing. You’re not lame for doing that, do what’s comfortable.
Your hoodie collection is not a bad thing. You don’t have to dress up every week because you feel like people won’t accept you if you don’t. Please just be yourself, people like you, just ask your friends
Speaking of friends, it’s going to be a rough one. Sometimes you won’t be able to tell who’s there with you or not, just know taht you will figure it out. These are the ones who will cry with you at 2 am because you both didn’t get asked to the dance. The ones who push you to go outside of your comfort zones to experience life. The ones you can blast old school Taylor swift with and sing and don’t care what anyone thinks. The ones who don’t judge your imperfections and pick you up when you’re down. Your going to want to give your all to these people but some are illusions. Don’t waste your time and energy on people who seem to be untouchable.
Lastly, accept yourself. Don’t you dare look in that mirror and criticize the way your clothes look or the fact that you think your face is too round and your hips are too wide or your not skinny enough. Quit the smoothie only diet, you need real food. Look at yourself once a day and say something positive. Please, it’ll save us both some trouble. You are stubborn but please be as accepting of other people as you can. You’ll be wiser if you do.
You are beautiful inside and out, maybe if you hear it from yourself, you’ll finally start believing it. Be true to yourself and others and you will be fine. Ignore the ones who are trying to drag you down.
Sincerely your senior self
The high school complex:
Whoever said you discover yourself in high school is not a person to trust. I don’t know myself and I’m about to graduate. Who am I supposed to be? That’s not important right now. I’m in high school, I am just trying to figure out the basics before actual life comes around and puts a wrench in everything. The drama that you can get caught in is flabbergasting. Who would’ve thought high school could become just a like a reality tv show.
I think to find myself I need to go on a trip by myself. Be alone with maybe a dog for company and just explore. I am terrified of myself because I don’t get along with myself. People say I’m contradicting because I am in a constant battle with myself. I just need to find myself my own way.
High school has never been easy and it’s not going to suddenly become effortless. Perhaps in a different lifetime it was different but for now it’s the same as it’s always been.